Days of Awe

Right now we are in the days of Awe- that magical time between Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur. For us, that means that we wander around to family and friends and apologize.

In theory, this is a worthwhile exercise. When I was a child, we would write long lists of friends and people we wanted to talk to. We'd wander around school feeling slightly out of place, clutching the notebook until we worked up the courage to speak to our friends.

Most of my friends weren't Jewish, so during middle school and high school the idea of Yom Kippur was foreign to my friends, and trying to apologize for nothing in particular was difficult.

Now, my family stops everyone a few minutes before we walk in for Kol Nidre and states this formulaic apology "If I did anything wrong to you, I'm sorry."

Now that I'm an adult, starting a family and coming into my own, I've learned a lot more about what Yom Kippur is, and what it's not. I'm chagrined to say that neither of the stories above really encompass the true idea behind the holiday spirit.

This year, I heard something wonderful. The Days of Awe are Jewish CPR. Through charity, prayer and repentance we can 'avert the severe decree.' Charity-being kind, between yourself and others. Prayer- internal thinking, between yourself and G-d. Repentance- internal knowledge, all inside yourself.

Now is the time to evaluate your past year, determine where you went wrong, and look to make things better. It's not about resolutions (I'll loose 10 lbs), it's about self-development. The external piece of this, the asking for forgiveness, is honestly acknowledging that you've done something wrong. This is two-fold. One part is between you and G-d; stating that you've done wrong, feeling guilt and then accepting your past as your past. The other is between you and the person you've wronged; telling G-d your sorry can't fix your worldly relationships. You need to acknowledge that you've made mistakes, and attempt to apologize or correct them with those you've wronged.

Jewish tradition dictates that you have to apologize three times. You have to give a heartfelt, honest apology to the people you've wronged three times before you can consider yourself absolved from their forgiveness.

Hopefully each person you talk to will be happy to give you their forgiveness. They will recognize your apology as the heartfelt apology that it is, they will accept you for who you are, mistakes and all. However, just because you think someone might reject your apology is no reason not to try.

So over these days of awe try to see Yom Kippur anew. To really delve into the truth of forgiveness.